Ways To Annoy Osama Bin Laden
Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious.
Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?"
Ask him if he's looking forward to replacing Hitler as Satan's favorite chew toy in the lowest inferno of Hell.
Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place.
Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook.
Tell him how much less you paid for your Kalashnikov rifle.
Now that you know the address of his secret cave hideout, fill out magazine subscription cards for him for the Wine Spectator and Penthouse. But do not, under any circumstances, send him Popular Mechanics.
Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham topping.
Correct him when he ends a sentence with a preposition.
Ask whether the Taliban gets cable, because you haven't seen "Sex and the City" for weeks.
Yank the end of his turban really hard to make him spin around like a top.
Switch all the CD's in the jewel boxes in his CD collection, so that when he reaches for Michael Bolton, he'll actually get the Mohammed Rafi.
Mine his bathroom.
Leave business cards for the Israeli Mossad in his Rolodex.
Take pictures of all his wives and post them on www.AmIhotOrNot.com
Ask him if he wears boxers or briefs. Check. Take pictures. Again, post these on www.AmIhotOrNot.com
Give him a Hot Chicks of Palestine calendar.
Ask him if Paradise is different for each person, and whether in your own paradise you'll get to "kick his ass every day for eternity".
Refer to him as "Osama-osama-fee-fi-fo-fama bin Laden".
Ask whether suicide bombers have to pay union dues.
Tell him it's lovely what he's done with his cave, but that it'd look much nicer covered with huge, smoking craters.
At dinner, imply that the Northern Alliance has much prettier place settings.
Claim you once saw him at a Hooter's in Muncie wearing a yarmulke.
Ask him if he wouldn't mind if you opened the door and shined your laser pointer on his forehead for a few minutes.
Tell him that this is the worst pyjama party you've ever attended.
Ask for some pork rinds and a good brew to wash them down.
Ask him if he provides his employees with a 401K plan.
Complement him on all his poppies outside, but mention that a few day lilies would be a nice accent.
Ask whether the Taliban is hoping to be bombed ahead into the Stone Age, or perhaps the Iron Age if enough shell casings survive.
Explain that America is a land of freedom and opportunity, filled with people of every race, religion, and background, including millions of women strong enough to knock the crap out of him.
Claim that they serve much better falafel at the public executions in Sudan.
Ask him if he's pursuing the Lesser Jihad, the Greater Jihad, or the "Completely Whacked Out of his Freaking Gourd" Jihad.
Swirl your drink thoughtfully and mention, "Just think, in a few weeks you might fit in this glass!"
Check to see if Saddam is on his speed-dial list.
They have to wait a few years to see current television shows in Afghanistan, so give away the secret of who's having a baby on Friends.
Warn him that you're "in a New York state of mind."
Mention that his wives look quite fetching in their burkas, and ask whether they've ever thought of modeling.
Ask him, "say, where do you keep all those Stinger missiles?" just in case he'll be caught off guard and answer correctly.
Give him a "noogie" or a "wedgie". If there's actually still a flush toilet left in Afghanistan, give him a "swirlie".*
Play a game of Monopoly with him. Make him play the thimble. See if he charges interest. Claim that his properties are your "holy lands" and blow up his hotels.
Offer to take him "clubbing" in Tel Aviv with your friends Saul and Ivan.
When you leave, wave and say, "Shalom!"
Friday, June 25
i went to the Jurong Regional Library. why is it called regional? I always thought regional is meant for big areas. Even the whole singapore island i won't call it bigger than "regional". I went with 2 other ppl. i caught flu from many days ago and now while i'm tying this my nose is running faster than my words can appear on the screen.
Plan for tonight.
-Do one comprehension, reference to answers allowed.
Plan aka mission ImpossIblE for tomorrow.
-Short run in the morning around the neighbourhood.Provided I can wake up early enough. If not do the followings for the rest of the day
-3 compre.s by any method; magically; by seeing answers; or do anyhow.
Plan for tonight.
-Do one comprehension, reference to answers allowed.
Plan aka mission ImpossIblE for tomorrow.
-Short run in the morning around the neighbourhood.Provided I can wake up early enough. If not do the followings for the rest of the day
-3 compre.s by any method; magically; by seeing answers; or do anyhow.
Thursday, June 24
eek! who's that "find me if you can" who posted a meaningless message on my tagboard? Dun care anymore about that. I will be as tough as gold, after a good 10 years i will still be the same. I will be black horse of the race(Seabiscuit), like a 10000m runner who came from the back and overtook the leading runner to clinch his Olympic Gold!
Wednesday, June 23
barbecue at West Coast Park yesterday! So (not) FUn! Why? The guys who went were all those "hum zi" guys. Maybe they were just shy infront of the 10-odd girls who went too. I just don't know why they so "hum ji". Lynn gathered us to play some wacko games but they just excused themselves by saying ," We go toilet first" And Patricia..Thanks for your constant reminder that I was saying the word barbecue wrongly
Liu Yun and me was in the middle between the grp of girls and those boys who was walking away. I looked at liu yun and he looked back, dunno what to do. So we went to the rock bay for a while and returned to the barbecue pit. Those jerks still not back yet lol. Liu yun also as bad as the other guys. He said about deciding whether to pay for the food($7) and yong zen keep saying, "I'll leave once Gary comes and pass me the Condition Zero" Condition Zero's a game anyway. Finian, the organizer of the whole thing, also didn't want to play games with the girls. Me leh? Not good either...The plaster the doc sticked on my elbow was on the verge of falling off. I was afraid of a possible infection so i rejected the girls while I... held on to my plaster hah. Still that white plaster fell off when i was kicking soccer with the boys.Barefooted you know? Before that some ppl were having some fun activites on the field. Something that seemed like a mixture of egg yolk and white were on the field. I stepped afew times on those!
Alright. Speaking of the actual barbecuing, it was devastated by the girls! half a box of fire starters were gone when we boys returned to the pit. First Jiayi and Finian took over. Not doing that great as well. Then Yong Zen came to help. He was pretty good at fire-making! Finian on the other hand, started to set up a bunch of charcoals and lit a fire starter in it. His one was burning well, but those charcoals weren't burning! All i could see was the fire starter holding on to its flame, surrounded by lots of charcoal.
He occasionally barked funnily, "No! I will not use paper" He said that because Yong Zen was using paper to help get his charcoal bush burning. Lol once i replied when Finian said that, "Hello? You're not fighting a war!" Finian's voice was a commanding and so hilarious. Oh, the girls started making the fire at 4pm plus and finally something was put onto the netted pit, not before 6pm!
All the girls stood near the pit doing their barbecuing. We guys? Played Tai-Di(Big2) on a pinic mat till it was so dark that i complained that i couldn't see my cards well.I gulped down so much soft drinks and Yuan Jun said he did too. The first course of the barbecue was sticks of (Hotdog, Fishball,Crabmeat 3in1). Next was satay!Really really delicious ones!There was once i went to the pitt and Lynn asked me to try an Otah to see whether it's cooked. She kept scaring me that Patricia ate one last time and couldn't go for band practice for following whole week!
There were marinated chicken wings. Yummy. But i didn't had any! Chicken wings didn't appear till it was almost 9pm! We didn't buy any metal barbecue sticks to use with the wings. And it was so bored! No music. Nothing entertaining.Yong Zen, aiyo. He started a small fire on the grass patch and started to barbecue there! So many things were thrown into the charcoal that started the fire! Plastic snack bags,satay sticks. Yikes.Barbecue is already quite bad for health and yong zen's way of barbecuing was even more harmful for the body. My stomach was so bloated with soft drinks that i decided to go home early. Lynn's dad was coming to fetch her home so I took a free ride home yay!
Liu Yun and me was in the middle between the grp of girls and those boys who was walking away. I looked at liu yun and he looked back, dunno what to do. So we went to the rock bay for a while and returned to the barbecue pit. Those jerks still not back yet lol. Liu yun also as bad as the other guys. He said about deciding whether to pay for the food($7) and yong zen keep saying, "I'll leave once Gary comes and pass me the Condition Zero" Condition Zero's a game anyway. Finian, the organizer of the whole thing, also didn't want to play games with the girls. Me leh? Not good either...The plaster the doc sticked on my elbow was on the verge of falling off. I was afraid of a possible infection so i rejected the girls while I... held on to my plaster hah. Still that white plaster fell off when i was kicking soccer with the boys.Barefooted you know? Before that some ppl were having some fun activites on the field. Something that seemed like a mixture of egg yolk and white were on the field. I stepped afew times on those!
Alright. Speaking of the actual barbecuing, it was devastated by the girls! half a box of fire starters were gone when we boys returned to the pit. First Jiayi and Finian took over. Not doing that great as well. Then Yong Zen came to help. He was pretty good at fire-making! Finian on the other hand, started to set up a bunch of charcoals and lit a fire starter in it. His one was burning well, but those charcoals weren't burning! All i could see was the fire starter holding on to its flame, surrounded by lots of charcoal.
He occasionally barked funnily, "No! I will not use paper" He said that because Yong Zen was using paper to help get his charcoal bush burning. Lol once i replied when Finian said that, "Hello? You're not fighting a war!" Finian's voice was a commanding and so hilarious. Oh, the girls started making the fire at 4pm plus and finally something was put onto the netted pit, not before 6pm!
All the girls stood near the pit doing their barbecuing. We guys? Played Tai-Di(Big2) on a pinic mat till it was so dark that i complained that i couldn't see my cards well.I gulped down so much soft drinks and Yuan Jun said he did too. The first course of the barbecue was sticks of (Hotdog, Fishball,Crabmeat 3in1). Next was satay!Really really delicious ones!There was once i went to the pitt and Lynn asked me to try an Otah to see whether it's cooked. She kept scaring me that Patricia ate one last time and couldn't go for band practice for following whole week!
There were marinated chicken wings. Yummy. But i didn't had any! Chicken wings didn't appear till it was almost 9pm! We didn't buy any metal barbecue sticks to use with the wings. And it was so bored! No music. Nothing entertaining.Yong Zen, aiyo. He started a small fire on the grass patch and started to barbecue there! So many things were thrown into the charcoal that started the fire! Plastic snack bags,satay sticks. Yikes.Barbecue is already quite bad for health and yong zen's way of barbecuing was even more harmful for the body. My stomach was so bloated with soft drinks that i decided to go home early. Lynn's dad was coming to fetch her home so I took a free ride home yay!
Sunday, June 20
The Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.
Tuesday, June 15
MONEY SAVING PLAN
July- save $50
August- $50 also
September- $50 again
October- $50
November- $100 (save more, no time to spend just before exams)
And the above savings plus the $150 i have now equals $450. The undisputed leader in my wishlist is PS2 a.k.a Playstation 2.
P.S I've been thinking of buying ps2 for a long x2 time, since it came into the market and had a try in it shortly after at my err..neighbour's shop in M'sia. Lol I forgot I tried the ps2 in his house or at the shop. I was thinking of buying okay? But you know me, only did things in the head and not make it a reality. So this time i'll try to stay low-profile 4 the rest of the year.
Not going out will mean 2 things. 1- save money that would be otherwise spent during outings. 2- I will have more time to study at home and more conc. in revising for the Big'O levels.
One more thing! Anywhere i can buy cheap original/pirated ps2 games?i'll be robbing the bank if i am buy all those ps2 games costing above 50 big bucks each.
By the way, i can't edit my template on my computer.Once i edit the html codes and pressed either "preview" or "save changes" , the IE page just disappear before my eyes. Just like this. Here is it. A hint for my next template. My new name is Joey Tribiani.
July- save $50
August- $50 also
September- $50 again
October- $50
November- $100 (save more, no time to spend just before exams)
And the above savings plus the $150 i have now equals $450. The undisputed leader in my wishlist is PS2 a.k.a Playstation 2.
P.S I've been thinking of buying ps2 for a long x2 time, since it came into the market and had a try in it shortly after at my err..neighbour's shop in M'sia. Lol I forgot I tried the ps2 in his house or at the shop. I was thinking of buying okay? But you know me, only did things in the head and not make it a reality. So this time i'll try to stay low-profile 4 the rest of the year.
Not going out will mean 2 things. 1- save money that would be otherwise spent during outings. 2- I will have more time to study at home and more conc. in revising for the Big'O levels.
One more thing! Anywhere i can buy cheap original/pirated ps2 games?i'll be robbing the bank if i am buy all those ps2 games costing above 50 big bucks each.
By the way, i can't edit my template on my computer.Once i edit the html codes and pressed either "preview" or "save changes" , the IE page just disappear before my eyes. Just like this. Here is it. A hint for my next template. My new name is Joey Tribiani.
Thursday, June 3
Messy day. went to skool in da morning to hand in practical tests' plans.Mr Chan's one was so hard to do! First I follow one person's plan, then edited mine and copied another person's plan. Finally I settled on Mr Chan's plan. He was a "goal-post changing" man. First approved this plan.Moments later say that another one is better. But at least he told us the plan quite clearly. If not I won't forgive him for getting me cooped up in the souless skool. Saw...errr?...ah!..adeline from netball team. I almost couldn't recognise her.Like she did a face-off surgery. She didn't looked more ugly. I saw Mr Tham having his breakfast in the canteen while I was there discussing with my friends about the work on hand. He beamed in my eyes and I gave a quick ignorant look and turn to my friends.I don't think I should do this eh. Better don't talk to him when it's no neccessary lah.
Finian came 2 my house later on..Played a few comp games. He was full of energy to exclaim on the game/s.Energetic guy.Only on games,women and studies.Nothing else in particular then haha.
Later in the day I was late to train at ntu(4pm). Nevermind.My net-friend will train on his own even if I'm not going.Once he set up the bar, he was trying to clear 1.75m.Struggling so hard to do it. For me,in terms of height clearance, I am still in square 1. He told me not to conc. on clearing the bar, but to spend more time on practising the curved run-up.So hard to get the actual feeling. Hey,I got some feeling though. I felt some pain in the biggest toe on my left leg.Prolly strained it. Maybe I'll go support him and the skool's track ppl at the Swift Meet. Maybe I will take his advice to join WINGS club.
Don't worry people.Training under Mr Tham seems to give me a high level of pressure. Don't know why.I can never jump properly when Mr Tham is watching by the side. I will do what I need to jump higher and reach the sky!
Finian came 2 my house later on..Played a few comp games. He was full of energy to exclaim on the game/s.Energetic guy.Only on games,women and studies.Nothing else in particular then haha.
Later in the day I was late to train at ntu(4pm). Nevermind.My net-friend will train on his own even if I'm not going.Once he set up the bar, he was trying to clear 1.75m.Struggling so hard to do it. For me,in terms of height clearance, I am still in square 1. He told me not to conc. on clearing the bar, but to spend more time on practising the curved run-up.So hard to get the actual feeling. Hey,I got some feeling though. I felt some pain in the biggest toe on my left leg.Prolly strained it. Maybe I'll go support him and the skool's track ppl at the Swift Meet. Maybe I will take his advice to join WINGS club.
Don't worry people.Training under Mr Tham seems to give me a high level of pressure. Don't know why.I can never jump properly when Mr Tham is watching by the side. I will do what I need to jump higher and reach the sky!
Friday, May 28
Sad, bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavy-hearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, pensive, pessimistic, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone.
The above words express how I feel now. Nothing to do with the upcoming Chinese O'lvl.
This afternoon I went for the track training. We settled down in the gym and Mr Tham gave his instructions for training in June holi's. While he was talking, I asked the upper sec trackers beside me about my event in the Nationals. No one could tell me. Zhen Huang suggested to me that I should ask Benedict personally myself because he registered the athletes' names for the Nationals.That was done prolly during this week or the one before. I asked him," Ben!... What's my event for Nationals? 400m hurdles?" He turned his attention to me and replied,"No, you don't have any," My world was crashing down hard on me. I didn't bothered to ask him why I didn't have 400m hurdles event in the Nationals nor I asked Mr Tham why. I didn't dare. At that point of time, I was feeling,"Fine!Don't let me join the Nationals? Forget it. I need not come for training in the June holidays as well. Hmph!" I didn't dare to accept any reason that Mr Tham will tell me for doing this to me. I laid on the blue mattress for quite a while, waiting and hoping that Mr Tham will notice me and tell me something, anything...
I'm not running any event/s in the Nationals? Okay. I'll accept this harsh fact.I'LL MAKE SURE I"M BETTER IN HIGH JUMP THAN BENEDICT IN HIS PET EVENT, OR ANYONE IN THE TANGLIN TRACK TEAM IN THEIR EVENT. I'LL BE BACK IN NEXT YEAR'S A DIV. CATERGORY.
I'm not blaming anyone. I can't, not that I don't want to.I can only blame myself for putting myself into such a situation. STUDIES OR CCA? I have to choose one. I've sacrificed so much time in cca that I nelgected my revision for mid-year examination. I guessed it will be the last time I call benedict and regard him as my cca's captain.
The above words express how I feel now. Nothing to do with the upcoming Chinese O'lvl.
This afternoon I went for the track training. We settled down in the gym and Mr Tham gave his instructions for training in June holi's. While he was talking, I asked the upper sec trackers beside me about my event in the Nationals. No one could tell me. Zhen Huang suggested to me that I should ask Benedict personally myself because he registered the athletes' names for the Nationals.That was done prolly during this week or the one before. I asked him," Ben!... What's my event for Nationals? 400m hurdles?" He turned his attention to me and replied,"No, you don't have any," My world was crashing down hard on me. I didn't bothered to ask him why I didn't have 400m hurdles event in the Nationals nor I asked Mr Tham why. I didn't dare. At that point of time, I was feeling,"Fine!Don't let me join the Nationals? Forget it. I need not come for training in the June holidays as well. Hmph!" I didn't dare to accept any reason that Mr Tham will tell me for doing this to me. I laid on the blue mattress for quite a while, waiting and hoping that Mr Tham will notice me and tell me something, anything...
I'm not running any event/s in the Nationals? Okay. I'll accept this harsh fact.I'LL MAKE SURE I"M BETTER IN HIGH JUMP THAN BENEDICT IN HIS PET EVENT, OR ANYONE IN THE TANGLIN TRACK TEAM IN THEIR EVENT. I'LL BE BACK IN NEXT YEAR'S A DIV. CATERGORY.
I'm not blaming anyone. I can't, not that I don't want to.I can only blame myself for putting myself into such a situation. STUDIES OR CCA? I have to choose one. I've sacrificed so much time in cca that I nelgected my revision for mid-year examination. I guessed it will be the last time I call benedict and regard him as my cca's captain.
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