Friday, May 28

Sad, bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavy-hearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, pensive, pessimistic, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone.

The above words express how I feel now. Nothing to do with the upcoming Chinese O'lvl.

This afternoon I went for the track training. We settled down in the gym and Mr Tham gave his instructions for training in June holi's. While he was talking, I asked the upper sec trackers beside me about my event in the Nationals. No one could tell me. Zhen Huang suggested to me that I should ask Benedict personally myself because he registered the athletes' names for the Nationals.That was done prolly during this week or the one before. I asked him," Ben!... What's my event for Nationals? 400m hurdles?" He turned his attention to me and replied,"No, you don't have any," My world was crashing down hard on me. I didn't bothered to ask him why I didn't have 400m hurdles event in the Nationals nor I asked Mr Tham why. I didn't dare. At that point of time, I was feeling,"Fine!Don't let me join the Nationals? Forget it. I need not come for training in the June holidays as well. Hmph!" I didn't dare to accept any reason that Mr Tham will tell me for doing this to me. I laid on the blue mattress for quite a while, waiting and hoping that Mr Tham will notice me and tell me something, anything...

I'm not running any event/s in the Nationals? Okay. I'll accept this harsh fact.I'LL MAKE SURE I"M BETTER IN HIGH JUMP THAN BENEDICT IN HIS PET EVENT, OR ANYONE IN THE TANGLIN TRACK TEAM IN THEIR EVENT. I'LL BE BACK IN NEXT YEAR'S A DIV. CATERGORY.
I'm not blaming anyone. I can't, not that I don't want to.I can only blame myself for putting myself into such a situation. STUDIES OR CCA? I have to choose one. I've sacrificed so much time in cca that I nelgected my revision for mid-year examination. I guessed it will be the last time I call benedict and regard him as my cca's captain.
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