Hello guys, just want to use this outlet now to vent my anger and frustrations. The past 2 days have been the worse of my life.

Let me walk you through what hit me recently.

It was Wednesday night. I was paying alot of attention to the forex market, since I got my live account weeks ago. Before that stupid thing happened, I was down 50USD for the account. But it was good trading, I followed my own rules and traded carefully. But it was at 2.15am+, a big US news(Fed Fund Rate) was coming out. I told myself before I would not trade news, because I know how and also heard how volatile the prices can move after the news broke out. But for that one night, I turned into a devilish gambler on the market. I traded huge position, 5 mini lots. Lost it. Then I was bent on getting my money back. I traded in 4 mini lots and lost it again. In that 1 hour, I lost about 200USD. I immediately turned feverish and tried damn hard to get myself to sleep. Kept blaming myself. This is just so stupid. How could I have done such a thing when I know clearly that it was going to be akin to gambling? I guessed I was probably too focused on trying to pull my balance up to the amount I put into the account. Greed. Sin. Bad.

Then next day I was to take my Material Science MCQ test in the computer lab. I studied the notes quite extensively, but heck I got 12/25. All the friends I know who took the test at the same time scored at least 16/25. From that point on my mind was running through all the stupid thoughts and comparing myself to people whom i know. Liuyun, Finian, guys I know in NTU. Damn, I'm always behind behind behind! What is wrong with me? I just can't keep on the pace. Everyone has got something to show. I don't !
Let's go down the list. My studies, below average and hitting the fail mark. My high jump, sucks so much that I gave up the chance to try for IVP this year. My financials? Always scrapping the barrel's bottom and asking parents for top-up. Trading, the options trading course i attended was badly timed and too expensive in retrospective. Needless to say, my current forex trading is hitting a crisis, but thank God that I still have half of my original balance in there.

As if all these weren't going to make me end my life yet, my new dentist told me a more alarming news. Because my original dentist ended his time with the clinic at Boon Lay MRT, I had to seek treatment with another doctor from that branch while my first doctor finds his new spot to run his business. So I thought the new dentist was going to just resume the work left behind on my teeth. But I went there, and he checked my teeth for at least 10 full minutes, and from time to time he was always sticking his index finger into my gum to examine clearly. At the end of it, he told me he was trying to see what my first doctor was planning to do with my teeth. He said my lower jaw protrudes out much more than my upper jaw, so there is a limit to how much the lower teeth can bend back to meet the upper teeth. From his professional viewpoint, he said a jaw surgery is recommended. I felt like my life is so wasted. Can you imagine how to operate on a jaw displacement surgery? That's is unimaginable. And I'm afraid I'll lose my speech if my nerves got affected. I am also shocked at why my first doctor didn't discuss with me that I might be going for surgery when I first put on the braces.

I kept asking God what was His plan for me? Go through all these hardships? I can only find relief in what was preached in last service, "God put us in situations so as to build us up"
If my life was like a balance, these 3 ghoulish things are on one end trying wreck my life and on the other side there is, fortunately, God to balance it up.

Hope tomorrow is better.

I helped out in gift wrapping at the children's church during evening! There were big boxes full of toys of all sorts. It felt like Christmas has arrived early and we are the hardworking elves hahaha! Jiawei was there to help too. He had an onset of rashes coming so he left earlier than I thought. We met Guo Lei at level 4 and he told us he started wrapping since 3pm and his right thumb hurts. We are doing the gifts for est 10,000 children! Praise the Lord !!

Then I spent 1.5hours from 9pm to continue my progress in Maths tutorial 4 on Derivatives. Good progress I would say. So much less distractions and so much confidence in studying which came from no one else but God and His house.

I'm in Lee Wee Nam Library now! NTU's engineering library. Well obviously I'm not using my netbook for work, but for analyzing the forex market! My trading life seems to got just abit more worrisome after my live account is up this monday. I have been looking at every currency pair chart from every angle and trying to improve the accuracy of my trade. I did alot of homework notes on the charts itself, sometimes I even find the chart too cluttered for anything good. Actually I'm setting to risk only 2-3% of my account for each trade. So there is nothing for me to fear.
I must continue to remind myself to play it cool. I will post weekly trade results here.

I am not a gambler.
I am not chasing profits.
I am chasing high probability of winning.
I don't trade for revenge just because I lost.

My forex live account is finally ready to trade. By God's grace I hope to double the account size in 4 weeks time or so.

I have been reluctant to blog because this blogging page is still the barebone html format! I think something's wrong with my browser or the blogger.com !
So yeah, I've been studying for 5 weeks in MAE in NTU already! Everything still fine, except the fact that I'm always a little behind the pace of work the school is going through.
Ok don't bother me now, I've got a Life Sciences CA on monday.

Collected my Lenovo S10-2 from Judy. She gave me a friend-only price! This will be my trading kaki in school from now on...

The Lord is blessing me with good forex strategies recently..YEAH!

I watched Blood Diamond last night on tv.
Loved the movie. And the soundtrack as well.
London, the first track on this youtube clip is the one I loved most. Yeah I think I cried at the end of the movie the last time I watched. We should really do more to eradicate the vice in the 3rd world countries.

Just got back from another session of jumps at NYP. This time I really took videos of my jumps. This is the first time my jumps were filmed. The actual jumps that were captured were pretty bad in technique. In other words, I myself was rather irked by those. But really have to thank Ronnie for continuing to train me and believe in me. My back feels so sore now because I landed on top of the bar at least 3 times. Now something red is popping out of my spine area. But it's nothing alarming...

Gotta turn in now...

What a shock! I missed the target profit I set on GBP/JPY by 5 pips. I could've kept 290pips, or $145 for the last trading day of the week... But oh well, it's all paper profits after all... But I believed God has shown me a glimpse of what He can do for me. I pray that my dad pass me a good sum of money to start off my trading...

Aiyoh! Either my computer is going boinkers, or the internet is really screwed. My Blogger site is only loading the html stuff. But I can still type this in my post box.

Today had school in NTU! I am rightfully a university student now! Sat through 3 hours of lectures held in the same place..

It was great for my soul coming back to church again at the JW building. I am back on the path of His light after straying off the route so much for the past week. And during the prayer meeting at 6, Pst. Chuang asked us all to dream our wildest dream and told us that God can do that and beyond. And after that, I thought of mine- SEA games Men's High Jump Champion. But I felt something more than God's capability. I kept getting ideas, hearing some innate voice asking me to jump from the other side. That means to take-off with my right foot (which is my stronger foot) instead of my left foot which I have been practicing now.

I thought about it quite a bit since I got home. I was thinking, I've trained so much but I still can't clear 1.60m with ease? Probably it's that I'm jumping with my weaker leg and the weaker side of my body..I'll explore options with my other side the next time I jump... Thank God for giving me something to keep myself busy about.