Jumping onto a cloud of faith.

Hello guys, just want to use this outlet now to vent my anger and frustrations. The past 2 days have been the worse of my life.

Let me walk you through what hit me recently.

It was Wednesday night. I was paying alot of attention to the forex market, since I got my live account weeks ago. Before that stupid thing happened, I was down 50USD for the account. But it was good trading, I followed my own rules and traded carefully. But it was at 2.15am+, a big US news(Fed Fund Rate) was coming out. I told myself before I would not trade news, because I know how and also heard how volatile the prices can move after the news broke out. But for that one night, I turned into a devilish gambler on the market. I traded huge position, 5 mini lots. Lost it. Then I was bent on getting my money back. I traded in 4 mini lots and lost it again. In that 1 hour, I lost about 200USD. I immediately turned feverish and tried damn hard to get myself to sleep. Kept blaming myself. This is just so stupid. How could I have done such a thing when I know clearly that it was going to be akin to gambling? I guessed I was probably too focused on trying to pull my balance up to the amount I put into the account. Greed. Sin. Bad.

Then next day I was to take my Material Science MCQ test in the computer lab. I studied the notes quite extensively, but heck I got 12/25. All the friends I know who took the test at the same time scored at least 16/25. From that point on my mind was running through all the stupid thoughts and comparing myself to people whom i know. Liuyun, Finian, guys I know in NTU. Damn, I'm always behind behind behind! What is wrong with me? I just can't keep on the pace. Everyone has got something to show. I don't !
Let's go down the list. My studies, below average and hitting the fail mark. My high jump, sucks so much that I gave up the chance to try for IVP this year. My financials? Always scrapping the barrel's bottom and asking parents for top-up. Trading, the options trading course i attended was badly timed and too expensive in retrospective. Needless to say, my current forex trading is hitting a crisis, but thank God that I still have half of my original balance in there.

As if all these weren't going to make me end my life yet, my new dentist told me a more alarming news. Because my original dentist ended his time with the clinic at Boon Lay MRT, I had to seek treatment with another doctor from that branch while my first doctor finds his new spot to run his business. So I thought the new dentist was going to just resume the work left behind on my teeth. But I went there, and he checked my teeth for at least 10 full minutes, and from time to time he was always sticking his index finger into my gum to examine clearly. At the end of it, he told me he was trying to see what my first doctor was planning to do with my teeth. He said my lower jaw protrudes out much more than my upper jaw, so there is a limit to how much the lower teeth can bend back to meet the upper teeth. From his professional viewpoint, he said a jaw surgery is recommended. I felt like my life is so wasted. Can you imagine how to operate on a jaw displacement surgery? That's is unimaginable. And I'm afraid I'll lose my speech if my nerves got affected. I am also shocked at why my first doctor didn't discuss with me that I might be going for surgery when I first put on the braces.

I kept asking God what was His plan for me? Go through all these hardships? I can only find relief in what was preached in last service, "God put us in situations so as to build us up"
If my life was like a balance, these 3 ghoulish things are on one end trying wreck my life and on the other side there is, fortunately, God to balance it up.

Hope tomorrow is better.