Sad, bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavy-hearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, pensive, pessimistic, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone.

The above words express how I feel now. Nothing to do with the upcoming Chinese O'lvl.

This afternoon I went for the track training. We settled down in the gym and Mr Tham gave his instructions for training in June holi's. While he was talking, I asked the upper sec trackers beside me about my event in the Nationals. No one could tell me. Zhen Huang suggested to me that I should ask Benedict personally myself because he registered the athletes' names for the Nationals.That was done prolly during this week or the one before. I asked him," Ben!... What's my event for Nationals? 400m hurdles?" He turned his attention to me and replied,"No, you don't have any," My world was crashing down hard on me. I didn't bothered to ask him why I didn't have 400m hurdles event in the Nationals nor I asked Mr Tham why. I didn't dare. At that point of time, I was feeling,"Fine!Don't let me join the Nationals? Forget it. I need not come for training in the June holidays as well. Hmph!" I didn't dare to accept any reason that Mr Tham will tell me for doing this to me. I laid on the blue mattress for quite a while, waiting and hoping that Mr Tham will notice me and tell me something, anything...

I'm not running any event/s in the Nationals? Okay. I'll accept this harsh fact.I'LL MAKE SURE I"M BETTER IN HIGH JUMP THAN BENEDICT IN HIS PET EVENT, OR ANYONE IN THE TANGLIN TRACK TEAM IN THEIR EVENT. I'LL BE BACK IN NEXT YEAR'S A DIV. CATERGORY.
I'm not blaming anyone. I can't, not that I don't want to.I can only blame myself for putting myself into such a situation. STUDIES OR CCA? I have to choose one. I've sacrificed so much time in cca that I nelgected my revision for mid-year examination. I guessed it will be the last time I call benedict and regard him as my cca's captain.

went to Mac at JP in da morning today. Got up from my bed at around 9.30 and went off at 9.40 or so. Rushed to the Mc-cafe with my sis to meet my relatives. Had a pleasant breakfast. Then when i stepped out of the Mc cafe guess who i SAW?! Mrs PegGy KoH! Her husband and prolly her maid and her children. She was easily recognisable. That bodyshape of hers...one of its kind la.."not implying it's bad" So i just went up to her and greeted her.Then i walked home solo cuz it's just too warm in the cafe. And da music the cafe played was rock music. So disruptive in the sunday morning!

what a day. fast day long day tired day for sure

First the chinese oral examination. Somehow by my instinct or what,i found Mr Ng at the last classroom. I know him well and he knows me just as well. The entire thing ended even before i realised it. It just happened too fast and smoothly. My mind didn't processed the fact that I am having oral test today...Not mentally ready.

Then I went to the Clementi Sports Hall for 3hrs of table tennis with guys in my class. I was the worst among them. I felt so ashamed that I couldn't even serve the ball. Had to seek help from the guy whom i never trusted but still learnt seriously from him(Jasper). I picked up the basic skills pretty fast. When i played with yong long i could see that he was far more tired than me- he had to pick up the fouled ball shots from me.Just then, I felt some 100M of HCL acid in my stomach. Really 2 hungry to play anymore.. It was 12+ when we left the hall and went separate ways back home. I kept track of the time. I had a meeting with a net-friend.

I met that net-fwen in GunBound. Incredible huh? He put his nickname as (.......)and he was the one whom i could approach for tips in high jumping. So I met him today at NTU.My first time to NTU...Didn't know where the bus i boarded will me to inside NTU.. My net-fwen gave my directions beforehand and I found him at the high jump pit in the Uni stadium. He was good. One word. Gave lots of tips on how to jump. It's like I have found a coach for high jump : ) That Tham no use one lah..Can only talk and run.

3 weeks didn't go for track liao.I still can clear 1.40m+ today.But only once or twice.Was too tired to jump higher.

P.S That guy is a MENG NAN.Macho and sports long hair n fringe. You know. Visualise and you know how he looks like.

Shan you were so cute this morNING.You glanced up high on your right, putting your right ?index? finger(that one beside the thumb?) on your cheek... I dunno why you did that for, but it catch my attention. Maybe you were trying to seek attention from the guys around yA? loL.

I tried a totally different method to do my compre paper today. I read one para, answered some qns and move on to the next para. and answered qns. I'm really really really(3x!) not sure whether this method will work for me.Since my other papers are not getting any As nor good Bs, might as well use this mid-yr to experiment on this method : ) One thing for sure, this method is faster for me to do compre today. I spent 40 mins before reaching the summary section. I was so satisfied with this result that I just finished the summary and rested,not knowing that i tied the papers together!

Oh GOd, forgive me for lurking in the net now, when i should be studying and revising for my exams like there's no tomorrow. If there's no tomorrow there won't be exams : ) OH please again, Finian stop your acting for goodness sake. During the geog paper, he was flicking his wrist so hard and with an expresion on the face so"unreal" after he finished a page-full qn. C'mon... No one will want to see you act when they are busy doing their work. I hate it...Just too much of a show put up by him.

There's something I really don't understand... Why does everyone need to discuss so seriously with their friends abt the paper that they have just finished? I don't see the need to...prolly except Maths papers when i want to exact ans. to some qns. I am always the one among the boys who stood in my chair after we are allowed to leave the examination room, while others were discussing seriously. What's done is done.That's the common phrase we hear. Why talk about the papers? It just makes me worst. I'd rather leave the school quick put the past behind me, in case it affects my mood for upcoming papers. This mid-yr exams i think i'm going to get stagnant results again.... getting similar results as in past years... hovering just below 70 in average score...... I wonder how my good net friends did in their papers. Biwen^rach^isaac^many others^and YOU shan.

LIFE JUST GETS WORSE WHEN A TEST IS COMING YOUR WAY.

Great and uneasy day on sat 24.irony? I had my first race since i joined track... lol.. talk abt bad side first. we the 3 hurdlers got scolded by tham cuz we didn't have enough time to warm up and get ready for our event at 2pm. We were given a number sticker to stick somewhere on our body so that the judges could recognise us. My number 3 sticker for heat 2 just won't stick well onto my reebok shorts. Just some fabric malfunction haHA. When it's my turn onto the track for my heats, i just ran through the first hurdles from the starting blocks as tham ORdered us to do so...He's right. We need to do this to ease our "starting" of the 400m hurdle event.

Ke Garisan.....SediyahHHH(dragged alot by the announcer)...BANG!BANG! It went twice because the runner on the third lane made the false start. Who was he from? Tanglin Secondary class 4e1. That was me....haha...My heart was pounding when a fierce-looking Indian lady flashed a yellow placard just in front of my blocks. I was speechless and got sooo shocked.. I didn't react much to that because I didn't want to let other runners know that I'm a newbie to races like this...So i just keep my cool and think like a runner is supposed to when he makes a false start. I knew Mr Tham would feel worry for me up there in the stand because this was my first time participating in such championships. And i knew if other runners or I make a false start he will be disqualified... The announcer said in a harsh tone, " Lane 3, please wait for the command. Last warning for lane 3 and final warning to all runners." I thought to myself for a while...If i can go through such mind-torturing experience, future oral examinations will be a breeze for me. Yeah, everyone has a fear. My fear somehow was oral exams...Dunno why.Just will tremble and get extreme nervous.

Lucky enough, it went smoothly. I was going for the 3rd hurdle when i saw a guy on my right slowing down and i overtook him. Totally elated. Then while curving in to the final 100m, I heard Peishi cheering for me on the left and i gave a quick glance at her. At the last few hurdles my speed had already drastically reduced and clearing each hurdle was a tough job. I placed last in my heats. Nevermind i told myself. The three of us was in the open event, where the runners are under 20. This means I'm competing with big boys like hwa chong jc, njc , chinese high and other good schools.You name it. I told zhen huang, "Why Tanglin is always the worst school in the track n field events(academically)??" This shows that Tanglin Sec has competency i guess...

DONT EVA TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT HURDLES NOR ASK ME ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I'VE NOT GIVEN UP BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TRY MY BEST IN HURDLING ON SPORTS DAY. OH MAN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE CAREFUL THAT DAY...........

Oh my... 6GB needed to install the FFXi. Too much investment of time, comp. space and part of my future(acad) in it. So nope I won't buy nor play it anytime soon. I can just admire the artwork and system of FFXi from the web haha. But for real, are the graphics that perfect as in the official website? It's really very clear and 3D you know!? Suprised to see that my comp's specs is above the recommended requirements. Oh come on, I'm not "suan-ing" biwen's comp lol -.-"

That day after e X-country run.I took bus 156 back to clementi with afew friends. Then when i was at 1bus stop b4 Chinese High's main gate, I saw something. Something that may not be significant to you but it is to me. From the left corner of my eye, I saw a blue high jump mattress. The image i saw was that there was no crossbar, but a swaying rubber tape stretched from one stand to the other. A mili-second later my eye caught sight of one tChs guy recovering from the impact of the landing, on the mattress. I told liu yun, " OMG!Look! So damn high!!!" Indeed, it was at least 1.9m without doubt. I felt so ashamed that I couldn't even do 1.5m. Liu Yun made my feelings worse when he questioned how good I am in high jump.Oh man... Am i done with high jump and on with 400m hurdles? My stamina can't even last me for a full 400m not even to mention with the hurdles. I really want to get back to high jump but tham doesn't really hope for that case.

NJC 6-11(W/O B)
ACJC 6-14(W/O B)

Before I go for my prelims...I'd have mugged everything under e sun that i need to know.